Not a guest was stirring
was the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a guest was stirring, not even a mouse,
The log burner was stacked and handled with care,
The bathrooms cleaned, not so much as a hair.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Xboxes danced in their heads.
And Sue in her naturals, and I in my jams,
Were settled and happy we’d avoided those scams.
When out in the snow there arose such a clatter,
I rolled from the bed to see the late matter,
Away to the door a stumble and a sway,
Only to find there, a face so grey.
The moon on the bark of a snow covered trunk,
Showed light on the face of a rolling drunk,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
More of these revellers with a great more beer.
With the band, a shouting and oh so crazy,
This was not a night to be happy and lazy,
More rapid than eagles to the house they came,
They whistled, and shouted, and called their names!
“Now Mike ! now, Sandy! now, Ruth and Dick!
On, Mandy! On David!, on Rob and Rick!
To the front of the porch! Through the front door!
They rushed and pushed and onward they tore!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So into the kitchen and fridge they flew,
With Bing in the background, they yelled to Sue.
And then, in a twinkling, I knew the truth,
The mayhem and madness was caused by Ruth,
As I drew in my head, and turned around,
Down the stairs came Sue, a leap and a bound.
She was dressed all in nothing, from head to toes,
No clothes, no hat, the group they froze,
The shock of fresh air with a body in motion,
Quick, back up the stairs to a growing commotion.
Jakes eyes-how they laughed, his breath, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
David he screeched, “who was that Mister?”
“Despite the dimples, that was Ruth’s sister”.
As certain as taxes, Ruth was no Mary,
Her singing and language were also scary,
She had a slim face, but a large bejewelled belly,
That shook when she laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
She’s chubby and plump, a right noisy demon,
A life at sea and educated by seamen,
A wink of her eye and a bend of her head,
Soon gave me to know I had lots to dread.
Up I spoke, like a man possessed, “you must stop now!”,
Sue, now dressed, made her sister this vow,
“Get thee hence from this lovely place, now leave us gentle”,
This property is licensed for four and is a vacation rental.
She sprang to her feet, to her party a yell,
“Gather your glasses and back to the hotel”,
“Fear not sister, all is not ruined, the mess not bad,
It is a time of joy, and family, do not be mad”
The children rise early, the toys under the tree,
Clean the wine stains, the ash and the Ghee,
“Next year, let not your sister know our stay,
For as rentals are great value, she wants to play”
Friends appear, dinner is shared, carols sung,
Charades are played, the old and the young,
The lights grow dim, the snow lies thick,
Guests say farewell, the need to move quick,
Days rush on, coal for eyes and carrot for a nose
The snowman is finished even his clothes,
Too soon they know its time to leave,
For in one days time it will be New Years Eve.
Lock the door, return the key, one last farewell
The guest book complete, no time to dwell,
Into the car, seat belts on, the sky is clear,
Please make sure we are booked next year!